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I’m standing outside in the snow, freezing my ass off, taking puffs of a cigar I don’t even want.

And thinking: “What the hell am I doing?”

Here’s the brutal truth: I quit smoking years ago. Quit vaping five months ago. And last month? I picked up the habit again like some kind of masochist with commitment issues.

Today was supposed to be the day I quit again. Instead, I’m writing this post while fighting the urge to run to the store for another pack.

If you’ve ever felt like a fraud for relapsing on something you swore you’d never do again, this one’s for you.

When Your Quit Smoking Journey Hits Repeat

Let me paint you a picture of the last month. I picked up smoking again after years of being clean, plus five months off vaping. Yeah, I know, not my finest moment. But here’s what nobody tells you about smoking cessation tips: sometimes you fail, and that’s part of the process.

The crazy part? Every single time I lit up in the snow these past few days, I immediately thought, “I don’t need this.” Picture me standing outside, freezing my ass off, taking a few puffs just to smell like an ashtray and taste regret. The irony wasn’t lost on me.

I told myself it was about getting outside, seeing the stars, watching the mountains, catching some vitamin D. But let’s be real, I’m not a prisoner in my own house. I can walk outside anytime without needing a cancer stick as my hall pass.

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Here’s where it gets deep. This personal development blog journey started when I realized I’d created this whole internal narrative around smoking. Back in my bar days, it was the only “legitimate” break I could take. Mom and pop spots don’t exactly follow labor laws during rush hours, you know?

But that story lived in my head rent-free for years. Even now, knowing it’s bullshit, my brain still reaches for those old excuses. It’s wild how deep these patterns run in our subconscious.

The comfort of that first puff? Pure nostalgia. It’s like your brain’s greatest hits album, playing all the familiar tunes from your smoking days. But just like that one song you overplayed, it gets old fast when you realize you’re standing in the cold, smelling terrible, and lying to yourself.

The Real Talk About Healthy Alternatives to Smoking

So here’s where my quit smoking journey gets interesting. Instead of going cold turkey and setting myself up for another rebellion, I’ve got my arsenal of healthier fixes:

My Hand-to-Mouth Arsenal:

• Fum flavored air device (game changer)
• Ripple non-nicotine vape with 400 hits (WalMart carries them)
• Tobacco pipe with dried passion flower herb (when I need that throat burn)
• Cinnamon toothpicks for the long game

I know what you’re thinking- “Isn’t this just trading one habit for another?” Maybe. But here’s the thing: I’d rather satisfy my cravings with something that won’t turn me into a walking ashtray or steal years from my life.

The goal isn’t perfection; it’s progress. Eventually, I’ll scale back to just the Fum and toothpicks. But right now, meeting myself where I am beats the hell out of another relapse cycle.

Pro tip: If you’re curious about the science behind oral fixation and smoking, the American Lung Association breaks down why these alternatives actually work.

The Frame Technique That’s Changing Everything

Here’s some spiritual real talk: I’ve been practicing this thing called “bringing my energy within myself,” some call it frame technique. It’s basically learning to be aware of yourself and the sensations you feel from the emotions in your body.

When that smoking craving hits, I pause and ask: “What am I really running from?” Usually, it’s not about nicotine. It’s about avoiding something uncomfortable- like starting this blog, doing my taxes, or taking the next step in building my life. Getting familiar with the sensations and accepting that they’re there rather than bulldozing through them, allows me to change my focus and reframe the direction I actually want to go (with practice, clearly this isn’t an overnight success story.)

The reframe game is strong. Instead of focusing on what I’m giving up, I picture the wrinkled, dried-out version of myself I’m avoiding. I think about crushing more cardio, climbing stairs without wheezing, and not being the stinky person in the room who’s gone nose-blind to their own funk.

If you want to dive deeper into the psychology of cravings and triggers, Psychology Today has some solid research on how our brains create these patterns.

What I’m Really Procrastinating On

Overcoming addiction naturally isn’t just about the substance,  it’s about facing what you’re avoiding. For me, this whole smoking relapse was about procrastinating on launching this blog. Scary stuff, putting yourself out there for the world to judge.

I almost used tax season as another excuse to delay quitting. “I’ll be stressed about money, so maybe I should wait until after…” Sound familiar? We’re masters at moving our own goalposts.

But here’s the breakthrough: recognizing the pattern is half the battle. My awareness now versus when I first quit years ago? Night and day. This time, I see the game I’m playing with myself.

The Leap Forward (Even When It Feels Like Steps Back)

This quitting smoking motivation isn’t coming from some perfect place of having it all figured out. It’s messy, it’s real, and it’s happening right now while I’m still figuring out the details.

Today’s goals are simple:

1. Set up my blog domain (finally)
2. Publish this raw, unfiltered truth
3. Book that detox meditation for next week
4. Trust that the inner work will show up externally

I’m not waiting for the perfect moment or the perfect words. Perfection is just another form of procrastination dressed up in fancy clothes.

The Real Reason I’m Sharing This

My personal development blog isn’t about pretending I’ve got all the answers. It’s about sharing the messy middle, the part between deciding to change and actually changing. The part where you fall down, get back up, and figure out what works for you.

Maybe you’re in your own cycle of starting and stopping. Maybe you’re avoiding something that scares you. Maybe you’re tired of the stories you tell yourself about why you can’t have what you want.

Here’s what I know: distractions come in all forms– smoking, money, sex, food. The key isn’t eliminating them completely; it’s finding balance. You’re allowed to enjoy life. You just need to stay disciplined about taking action toward your best life.

For more on finding balance and building sustainable habits, James Clear’s research on habit stacking has been a game-changer in my own journey.

The Note-to-Self That Changed Everything

I keep coming back to this: my thoughts move faster than my fingers can type, and my wrists are already feeling it. Time to figure out voice memos and daily vlogs. Different scenery, same raw honesty, hopefully with better flow.

So as I get this all dialed in, I’ll also be sharing more on my YouTube channel; some of the same as here in the blog and some totally random insights to how I’m progressing forward. 

The mission hasn’t changed: help others by sharing my process. Inspire people to make the shifts they really want. Trust that whatever path I take, I’ll show up whole and authentic.

No more squeezing turnips for juice. No more forcing what isn’t ready. Just trust, action, and embracing the present moment while creating the most magical version of my life.

Your Turn

If you’re reading this and seeing yourself in my story, here’s your sign. Stop waiting for perfect conditions. Stop making deals with future-you about when you’ll finally start.

Your quit smoking journey or whatever change you’re avoiding doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It just has to be real, honest, and yours.

The best time to start was yesterday. The second-best time? Right fucking now.

Ready to burn down your old patterns and build something new?

I’ve put together a free 7-Day “Say Yes” Starter Pack that’s helped me (and hundreds of others) break through the mental barriers that keep us stuck. 

Inside, you’ll get:

✨ Daily journal prompts designed to uncover what you’re really avoiding
✨ Nervous system regulation techniques to handle cravings and anxiety without reaching for your old crutches
✨ A step-by-step guide for safely burning down your old self to make room for who you’re becoming

No fluff, no perfectionist bullshit,  just real tools for real change.

[Get Your Free 7-Day Say Yes Starter Pack Here]

What’s one small step you can take today toward the person you actually want to be?

FAQ: Your Quit Smoking Journey Questions Answered

Q: What if I’ve tried quitting multiple times and keep relapsing?
A: Join the club. Relapse isn’t failure, it’s data. Each attempt teaches you something new about your triggers and patterns. The key is getting back up faster each time and adjusting your approach based on what you learned.

Q: Are smoking alternatives like Fum devices and herbal pipes actually helpful?
A: For me, absolutely. They satisfy the hand-to-mouth fixation and ritual without the harmful chemicals. The goal isn’t to use them forever, but they’re a bridge between where you are and where you want to be.

Q: How do you deal with cravings without giving in?
A: I pause and ask what I’m really running from. Usually, it’s not about the substance,  it’s about avoiding something uncomfortable. Address the root cause, not just the symptom.

Q: What’s this “frame technique” you mentioned?
A: It’s about bringing your energy back within yourself instead of seeking external fixes. When a craving hits, I visualize the version of myself I want to become and make choices from that identity, not from the craving.

Q: How long before the cravings go away?
A: Physical cravings typically peak in the first 72 hours and fade within 2-4 weeks. But psychological triggers can pop up months later. Having a toolkit of alternatives and mindset shifts makes all the difference.

Q: What if I don’t have willpower?
A: Willpower is overrated. It’s like a muscle that gets tired. Instead, focus on changing your environment, having alternatives ready, and addressing the underlying reasons you smoke. Systems beat willpower every time.

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This is only one day of documenting the messy, beautiful process of becoming who I’m meant to be. If you’re on your own journey of change, grab the starter pack above and subscribe so we can figure this out together.