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Since I was a preteen, I lived with a dark certainty that I wouldn’t make it past 18. I thought I’d end up wrapping my car around a tree, so why bother preparing for the future? This wasn’t just teenage angst, it was a deeply ingrained limiting belief that shaped every decision I made.
Well, here I am at almost 36, still alive and kicking. And it’s only been in the last couple of years that I’ve finally started overcoming limiting beliefs that kept me trapped in a cycle of self-destruction and apathy.
The Prison of Self-Limiting Beliefs (And Why I Chose to Stay There)
Maybe this sounds morbid, maybe it’s victim mentality, but I truly didn’t see the point. I had a chip on my shoulder about not wanting to be here, and if I had to be, I might as well escape the chaos and numb myself rather than deal with the pain this world so graciously dishes out.
It was hard for me to justify putting time or effort into how I wanted the future to unfold when I had this voice in the back of my mind saying tomorrow might be the last day. So why bother? Why even care?
This is what self-limiting beliefs transformation really looks like in the raw. Not some polished success story, but the messy, uncomfortable truth of how our minds can become our own worst enemy.
The Awakening: When Your Mind Finally Stops Lying to You
Fast forward to now, and the time I’ve spent learning things I never knew about. Learning about ways to reprogram your mind. Understanding why things make us tick, and how to overcome these mental roadblocks makes me somewhat sad that I never came across this information long ago.
In reality, maybe I had. I know that through all my turmoil, I always found the optimistic side of things. I remember saying when shitty things would happen that at least it reminded me I was alive.
Here’s the thing about personal growth mindset: we don’t see or hear what we’re not ready for. Maybe these insights really were right in front of my face, but the story I told myself, the beliefs I’d carried, were too strong within my subconscious mind to even allow the thought of anything better to enter and stay.
This concept of cognitive dissonance explains why we often reject information that contradicts our existing beliefs. Even when that information could set us free.
We’re All Fake AF: The Social Media Generation’s Connection Crisis
Being from that weird generation that grew up pre-Internet but came of age with social media. Shoot, Facebook came out right before I graduated, and back then you had to have a school email to even join. Nobody was super fond of it because Myspace let you customize your page and Facebook was just boring white. I’ve watched how we’ve adapted to staying connected.
The era of social media has allowed us to stay in contact with people from our journeys while also connecting with others from around the world. Amazing, really, being able to “meet” people you never would have had the honor of connecting with otherwise. But how many of us are truly connecting? Connecting on more than a surface-level facade?
People talk all the time about narcissists and gaslighting, and with online interactions, how do you truly know who you’re speaking with? Yet being human, one desire we most crave is connection. It’s truly amazing the access we have to connect with others if we choose to do so correctly, in a thoughtful manner, to truly learn from others and find friends to grow with.
Breaking Free: Why Your Mindset Change Journey Will Hurt Like Hell
So is this it? Are we just here to blast all day on social media, showing the face of how awesome our lives are, or how terrible whatever bitchfest of the day is?
I believe balancing the wisdom of past generations with the adaptability of the modern era is the healthiest way we can survive while we’re here. Everything in moderation. As I go through this mindset change journey of learning how to create the future I truly want to live, I realize it really is all our own choice in which direction we take.
I still am not afraid to die, although I see now there is so much to learn as well as so many things I would love to see and experience. I have to catch myself when I start reasoning that it really doesn’t matter what happens. That’s only seeping my power and just allowing the universe to take complete control.
“There is no power to be gained in letting go of the reins and adapting to whatever life brings; you must guide your tune or else be its merciless victim” —Law 36, 48 Laws of Power
This quote has stuck with me since I first checked out the book from the library. I wrote it down and have it next to my computer as we speak. It reminds me that I have the capacity to control, to some extent, where I plan on going. It reminds me that anything worth fighting for is going to take effort and willpower to carry out my desires.
Why We’re All Addicted to Comfort (And How It’s Killing Our Dreams)
Things are a lot different now than when I was a kid. Even just typing that makes me feel like one of those grey hairs about to speak ‘on walking 10 miles in the snow uphill without shoes.’ But I think we can all agree that as time goes on, things change. Between advancements in technology, trends, fads, whatever the higher-ups have on their agenda, things are constantly changing. Those able to adapt the easiest are those who prosper from the change.
The resistance to change is just us sticking with the comfort of the known and a bit of fear of the unknown. The limiting beliefs of not being able to learn something new, “can’t teach an old dog new tricks” has left some of us cutting ourselves off from even applying any effort to learn. Our stubbornness to stay comfortable is the very thing holding us back from the future we truly desire.
Research from Stanford’s Growth Mindset Institute shows that people who believe abilities can be developed are more likely to achieve their goals and bounce back from setbacks.
The Overnight Success Lie (And Why I Almost Quit Before I Started)
One thing I’ve learned is that everything takes time. Every change a person wants to make doesn’t happen overnight. Having people say otherwise on social media (whether true for them or not), has contributed to so many people giving up when things don’t work out after the first try.
Being in this weird phase of new soberish and recalling my past, it was hard for me to understand why I was pushing myself so hard to be this person who was straight edge and work on these new habits to better myself when for so many years I survived without even knowing the techniques TO better myself. I questioned and still sometimes question: what is the point?
And in reality, I don’t think there is a point. I don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all approach. I think it’s up to each one of us as individuals to choose our own battles and decide what’s most important to us in determining the direction we want to go.
The Power of Possibility
I also think if more people understood that anything really is possible, and that it just takes time and effort to master our skills, then more people would be willing to work on whatever skill they’re interested in pursuing.
One of the most challenging things I’ve come across, without having any direction, is not letting the chatter of the outside world completely absorb me. Whether it’s other people’s naysaying opinions or seeing people’s success without fully grasping the journey of how they got there. Again, we only see things the way we want to see them, so even with people sharing their journey and the turmoil of the process, it’s become more mainstream to focus on the successes and outcomes and bypass the process, the sacrifice, the real journey of how others got there.
Stop Waiting for a Magic Wand: Breaking Limiting Beliefs Requires Getting Your Hands Dirty
We want an easy fix, an easy way out. This is why people will pay big money for ease. It’s what we all want: someone with a magic wand to come and take our troubles away. While in reality, the only way we can grow and overcome whatever internal battle we’re facing is if we put the work in and create the evidence within ourselves, through our own grit, through our own trial and feedback that will allow us to grow stronger in the end.
I don’t have kids, but I know the way a lot of parents parent is by allowing the child to learn from their mistakes. To do things for themselves so they, as individuals, can use that brain muscle later in life to be able to figure things out for themselves. We as a culture have forgotten to think for ourselves. A mass majority of us have become so accustomed to things being handed to us on a silver platter that using our own noodle seems impossible since that muscle has been left untouched for so long.
The Challenge: Stop Scrolling and Start Living (Before It’s Too Late)
We choose the safe job where we only have to learn a few skills to skate by and accomplish the bare minimum of what needs to be done. Then go home and end the day scrolling through mind-numbing shenanigans on our phones or binge-watching never-ending TV series. We’ve forgotten how to truly live and what makes us light up. For some of us, we haven’t been lit up in so long that the thought that something could light us up seems like an impossible venture.
The average person spends over 7 hours per day on their phone. That’s nearly half our waking hours consumed by digital distractions instead of meaningful growth.
The only way to learn is to try, and the only way to try is to search. Understanding that it takes more than just a couple of tries will help with wanting to beat your head into the wall, or worse, belittling yourself that you even tried in the first place.
No one knows how long we’re here. No one can bring the joy you crave or desire but you.
My Challenge to You
So I challenge you: try something new. Seek out hobbies, activities, groups, art, festivities that interest you. Maybe just intrigue you. Just because you experience it once doesn’t mean you’re locked in for life, but maybe that experience will wake up a part of you that will send you in the direction of what you’ve truly been missing.
Think for yourself. Use the creativity you may have become accustomed to using for bad outcomes on the good outcomes instead. On the things that would actually bring you joy instead of the things you’d dislike. Be open to possibilities and be open to what you may not know.
As always, none of us are getting out of here alive, so enjoy the journey and don’t sweat the small stuff—because it’s all small stuff.
Frequently Asked Questions About Overcoming Limiting Beliefs
Q: How long does it take to overcome limiting beliefs? A: There’s no magic timeline. In my experience, it took nearly 20 years of living with destructive beliefs before I even recognized them. The actual work of changing them has been ongoing for 2+ years and counting. Some shifts happen in moments of clarity, others take months of consistent effort.
Q: What if I don’t know what my limiting beliefs are? A: Start by looking at patterns in your life. What do you consistently avoid? What excuses do you make? What “truths” about yourself do you never question? For me, it was “I won’t live past 18” and later “nothing I do matters anyway.” These beliefs showed up in every decision I made.
Q: Can you really change limiting beliefs, or are some people just stuck? A: I lived for decades believing I was fundamentally broken and destined for self-destruction. If I can develop a growth mindset at 36, anyone can. The brain’s neuroplasticity means we can literally rewire our thought patterns at any age. It’s not easy, but it’s absolutely possible. Check out Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz its what the Pros have been using for years.
Q: What’s the difference between positive thinking and actually changing limiting beliefs? A: Positive thinking is putting a band-aid on a wound. Changing limiting beliefs is surgery. You have to dig deep, identify the root cause, and do the uncomfortable work of replacing old patterns with new ones. It’s messier and more painful, but it actually works.
Q: How do I know if I’m making progress? A: You’ll start catching yourself in old thought patterns instead of being consumed by them. You’ll take action on things you previously avoided. For me, it was finally planning for a future I actually wanted to live in instead of just surviving day to day.
Ready to Stop Living on Autopilot?
If you’re tired of watching your life pass by while your mind holds you prisoner, it’s time to take action. The voice in your head telling you “you can’t” isn’t the truth. It’s just a story you’ve been telling yourself for so long that it feels real.
Here’s what you can do right now:
1. Start Small: Pick one limiting belief you’ve identified and question it. Write down evidence for and against it. You might be surprised by what you discover.
2. Try Something New: This week, do something that scares you or that you’ve been putting off. It doesn’t have to be life-changing, just different from your usual routine.
3. Connect Authentically: Reach out to someone for a real conversation. Not surface-level catching up, but genuine connection about what you’re actually going through.
4. Stop Consuming, Start Creating: Instead of scrolling for an hour tonight, spend that time on something that could actually move your life forward.
Want More Raw, Honest Content About Personal Growth?
This journey of overcoming limiting beliefs isn’t a destination, it’s an ongoing process of catching yourself in old patterns and choosing differently. If this resonated with you, subscribe to get more unfiltered insights about building a life you actually want to live.
Because here’s the truth: You’re going to die anyway. The question is whether you’ll live first.
Share this post if you know someone who needs to hear that their limiting beliefs aren’t facts, they’re just thoughts that can be changed.
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