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Why We Rush Through Life Instead of Building Lasting Habits

Why is it we are in such a rush to get to a destination? In life, on the road, in our careers, or our accomplishments? What is it that makes us stay on surface level and not dive deep into the interests we truly hold?

I think of when I was a kid and my chore was to vacuum the house and I did it during a commercial break. It wasn’t the most detailed job, but I hit the main floors and ran the vacuum over all areas of the floor—just maybe not as slowly as I should have. At the time, my brother, who is 9 years older than I am, came into the living room and stated I needed to finish vacuuming, which ignited a fight as I had clearly hit all corners of the floor and my show was back on.

The Hidden Cost of Surface-Level Living

I think of this scenario in the perspective of why was I in such a rush to do this simple chore in order to get back to some show I can’t remember nor did it benefit me in the long run? This pattern of rushing through tasks has deeper implications for how we approach habit formation and personal development.

What you do in one area of your life you do in all areas of your life. I see this as true—I have been super surface level in many relationships, friends, business or romantic, surface level in the amount of effort I put into tasks, not only cleaning but when it comes to learning new skills. It’s almost as if I shut off the portion of my brain to look beyond the obvious and really find the depth, so I just get it done and over with to move on to the next thing.

The Mindful Approach to Daily Tasks

I now question, really how important is the next thing? The more you accomplish the less excited you are to have completed it. At least in my case, and I believe it has to do with the accumulations of accomplishing rather than being present in the process and embodying the full essence of the experience.

You may be asking how being present while vacuuming is so important—what good can really come from being intent on the process of cleaning the house and doing the mundane tasks to keep things orderly? And to that I say it’s all part of the practice. Not that vacuuming lights my fire, not saying that it’s a joy of mine to vacuum, but I do believe if back in those days I would have been more present at the tasks at hand, I would have created a habit subconsciously to be present in more tasks now that I’m older.

Research from Harvard psychologist Dr. Ellen Langer shows that mindful attention to routine activities can significantly improve our overall well-being and focus capacity.

Breaking Bad Habits: The Modern Distraction Cycle

We all know as we get older we gain more responsibilities, more things added to our plates. More things to wrestle with inside our minds of how we will handle the next task or be able to fit all the things needed to be done in the day. We get a little worry-wart and start stressing at the thought of all that needs to be done and exhaust ourselves over things we can’t control, then numb ourselves or find that quick dopamine kick in “unwinding” at the end of the day spending an hour or more in front of our show, or a movie we’ve seen over and over.

We are quick to start scrolling our devices when we have a moment of free time—in line at the store, waiting for an appointment, sitting on the toilet—that it’s become a habit to disassociate with our lives and what is going on for that instant gratification of seeing someone else’s luxuries, or that cute cat or dog video, to ease our state of mind from the chaos we live in.

The Real Timeline for How to Change Habits

Most literature states a habit is formed within 20-ish days. And I have tested this in different areas in my life and can say that the first 20-ish days with intent does create a big dent in the subconscious mind. But I also noticed the new habit wasn’t fully engrained—I’d catch myself wondering astray from the direction I was attempting to go, falling back into previous habits and patterns, ending with me losing focus and falling back or letting it go that it just wasn’t for me.

This process has been an asinine way of going through life, and honestly, it never really clicked that whatever I desired wouldn’t happen unless I put in the effort to make it happen. The myth of 21-day habits has been debunked by modern research, which shows that habit formation actually takes an average of 66 days, according to a study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology.

The 66-Day Habit System That Actually Works

While sticking with a new habit or skill for 20-ish days is a great start, we have to recognize each of our own situations. We have to recognize we have been doing this old habit for how many years, and if it were as easy as 20-ish days, then we would have all kinds of habits. Coming into change with the long-term mindset rather than a quick surface-level shift hones in the real desire for the change.

In the book 5AM Club, the story brings up the system on how to get the automation point. Once I read this portion of the book, it really clicked that our change is determined by our degree of desire, by our willpower for change, and by the knowledge of learning and accepting realistic transformations.

The Three Phases of Lasting Change

The system they state is that it takes up to 66 days to reach the automation point:

Phase 1: The Destruction Phase (Days 1-22)

• Breaking down the old habits
• Bringing awareness to the triggers
• Making the choice to consciously take the desired route

Phase 2: The Installation Phase (Days 23-44)

• Keeping that focus and intent on following through with the new skill
• Awareness of wanting the change and recognizing when to apply the new habit
• Self-discipline to follow through with implementing the new habit

Phase 3: The Integration Phase (Days 45-66)

• Building upon the first two phases
• Hardwiring the actions into our subconscious
• Automatically making the new choice part of our routine

Setting Yourself Up for Success

This system makes a lot more sense to me—it makes sense that the more we do something, the more it will get engrained in us. I believe every situation has its own outcome, and to set a set date on something should be looked at with a grain of salt and to not give up just because on day 67 you may still be choosing the new habit route rather than it just happening automatically. But I also believe that all depends on how much effort and intent you put forth during the process.

Remember why you want the change, set yourself up with a visual reminder somewhere you look every day. Set the intent with an emotional connection to the end result of how amazing it will be once you achieve your desired change. And most of all, love yourself and stick with your plan while giving yourself grace if you slip up and get distracted with old habits.

For additional strategies on maintaining motivation throughout the process, check out James Clear’s research on habit stacking, a proven method for linking new habits to existing ones.

The Marathon Mindset for Lasting Change

Life is not a sprint rather a marathon. Things we truly desire take time to be accomplished in their best form, and to rush the process is leaving holes in the foundation. Stay strong and continue on and believe in yourself that you are worth all that you desire. Remember, none of us are getting out alive, so enjoy the process and don’t sweat the little things, because they are all little things.

FAQ: Common Questions About Changing Habits

Q: How long does it really take to form a habit? A: While the popular myth suggests 21 days, research shows it actually takes an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic. The exact timeline varies based on the complexity of the habit and individual circumstances.

Q: What should I do if I break my habit streak? A: Don’t give up! Missing one day doesn’t reset your progress. The key is to get back on track immediately rather than waiting for a “perfect” time to restart. Remember, building habits is a marathon, not a sprint.

Q: Can I work on multiple habits at once? A: It’s generally more effective to focus on one habit at a time, especially during the first 22 days (destruction phase). Once a habit becomes more automatic, you can gradually introduce new ones.

Q: What’s the difference between breaking bad habits and forming new ones? A: Breaking bad habits often requires identifying triggers and replacing the unwanted behavior with a positive alternative. Forming new habits is about consistent repetition and creating environmental cues that support the desired behavior.

Q: How do I stay motivated during the difficult middle phase? A: The installation phase (days 23-44) is often the most challenging. Create visual reminders, track your progress, and connect with your emotional “why” for wanting the change. Consider finding an accountability partner or joining a support community.