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If you’ve ever felt like the spiritual world promised you everything and delivered a swift kick in the ass instead, this one’s for you. I’m not here to sugarcoat my spiritual awakening journey or pretend it was all light and love. It was messy, painful, and honestly? I screwed up pretty spectacularly along the way.
But here’s the thing – those spectacular screw-ups taught me more about authentic living than any perfectly curated spiritual Instagram post ever could.
The TikTok Rabbit Hole That Changed Everything
Growing up in Bible Belt USA, I always felt like something was missing. Even as a kid riding the school bus, I’d stare out the window thinking about Mother Nature and sensing there was way more to this world than what adults were cramming down our throats. Different religions, different gods, same claims about having “the truth” – it never sat right with me.
Then TikTok happened.
I hit a wall in my life right around the time the algorithm started serving up spiritual content. I’d finally achieved my childhood dream career, but I felt completely unfulfilled. Then I lost my furbaby Chola after 14 years, and honestly, I was desperate for anything that felt like it meant something.
So when the spiritual awakening signs started showing up on my For You page – energy frequencies, chakra work, angel numbers, the whole nine yards – I dove headfirst into that rabbit hole like it was going to save my life.
Spoiler alert: it almost destroyed it instead.
When Spiritual Awakening Goes Wrong
Here’s what nobody tells you about jumping into spirituality without proper research or understanding: it’s really easy to get yourself into trouble. And I mean the kind of trouble that leaves you with a mild case of PTSD and trust issues with the universe itself.
I became completely obsessed with signs. The first one that really hooked me was this golden wheat image that started appearing everywhere when I was thinking about Chola – on my dad’s screensaver, on restaurant murals, you name it. At first, it felt magical. Finally, the universe was talking to me directly!
But then I got addicted to the validation.
I was constantly asking for signs, assigning meaning to everything, and – here’s the kicker – shopping around for the signs I wanted to see. Think of it like using the “phone a friend” lifeline on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, except I was calling every five minutes and only accepting answers that confirmed what I hoped would happen.
I was bouncing around in my head from possibility to possibility, getting attached to specific outcomes, then desperately searching for cosmic confirmation that things would work out exactly how I pictured them.
It was the spiritual equivalent of being that anxiously attached person in a relationship who needs constant reassurance. Which, plot twist, was exactly the pattern I was running in my romantic life too.
The Burnout That Broke Me Open
My unhealthy relationship with spirituality came to a head when I hit what I call my “spiritual burnout.” I’d been relying on tarot readers for answers, doing my own readings obsessively, and basically treating the universe like a Magic 8-Ball that existed solely to ease my anxiety.
The wake-up call was brutal but necessary. I realized I was doing to the universe exactly what I did in relationships – being needy, anxious, and untrusting. I was looking for external validation instead of building internal strength.
That’s when the real spiritual awakening journey began – not with crystals and angel numbers, but with the gut-wrenching realization that every single thing I was trying to fix externally was pointing back to one massive internal issue: my self-worth.
The Self-Worth Revelation That Changed Everything
A few weeks ago, it hit me like a freight train. Every micro-thing I’d become aware of and started working on – the anxious attachment, the need for signs, the crappy relationships where I was grateful for crumbs – all of it stemmed from the same root cause.
I didn’t believe I was worth more.
If everything was pointing back to that one major area, then that’s where I needed to focus my energy. Not on whether Mercury was in retrograde or if my chakras were aligned, but on seeing and demanding the self-worth that we’re all entitled to but some of us have blinders on about.
This wasn’t about spiritual bypassing or pretending everything was fine. It was about doing the real work of personal transformation – the kind that doesn’t come with pretty Instagram quotes but actually changes how you show up in the world.
What I Learned About Authentic Living
Here’s the thing about authentic living that I wish someone had told me earlier: it’s not about rejecting everything conventional or diving headfirst into whatever alternative practice catches your eye. It’s about finding what actually works for YOU, not what looks spiritual or sounds enlightened.
For me, authentic living meant:
Getting real about my patterns:
- Recognizing my anxious attachment style in all areas of life, not just romance
- Admitting I was using spiritual practices to avoid doing actual inner work
- Accepting that I was addicted to external validation, whether from tarot cards or dating apps
Setting boundaries with my spiritual practice:
- No more obsessive sign-seeking or treating the universe like a personal assistant
- Limiting tarot readings to genuine guidance moments, not anxiety management
- Focusing on practices that built self-trust rather than external dependence
Prioritizing self-worth work over everything else:
- Questioning every situation where I was accepting less than I deserved
- Building practices that reminded me of my inherent value
- Learning to trust my own intuition instead of constantly seeking outside confirmation
The crazy thing? Once I started focusing on self-worth instead of spiritual awakening signs, everything else began falling into place naturally.
Living Life on My Own Terms
I’m writing this as someone who’s still figuring it out, and honestly, that feels more authentic than pretending I’ve got it all solved. This morning brain dump you’re reading? It’s part of my new approach to living life on my own terms.
Instead of waiting until I have the perfect spiritual practice or the ideal life situation, I’m embracing the messy middle. I’m sharing the real stuff – the tangents, the revelations, the moments where I question if I’m slightly crazy from being alone with my thoughts too long.
This is my version of authentic living: showing up as I am, not as I think I should be.
Some days that means having profound realizations about attachment styles. Other days it means admitting I’m easily distracted and it’s almost noon and I still haven’t done half the things on my to-do list.
Both are valid. Both are real. Both are part of the journey.
The Ongoing Journey
I used to think a spiritual awakening journey meant reaching some final destination where everything made sense and life flowed effortlessly. Now I realize it’s more like learning to surf – you never stop falling off the board, but you get better at getting back on.
The difference is that now when I fall, I don’t immediately start asking the universe for signs about whether I’m supposed to be surfing in the first place. I just get back up and try again.
My spiritual burnout recovery taught me that the most powerful spiritual practice might just be believing you deserve good things without having to constantly prove it to yourself or anyone else.
Is this a byproduct of being alone with my thoughts for too long? Maybe. Am I slightly crazy? Probably. But I’m done apologizing for my journey or trying to make it look prettier than it actually is.
If you’re in your own messy middle of spiritual awakening, self-worth building, or just trying to figure out how to live authentically in a world that seems to reward conformity, know that you’re not alone. The journey is supposed to be messy. The questions are supposed to be uncomfortable. The answers are supposed to change as you grow.
And sometimes, the most spiritual thing you can do is admit you don’t have it all figured out – and that’s perfectly okay.
Frequently Asked Questions About Spiritual Awakening Journey
Q: How do I know if I’m having a spiritual awakening or just going through a tough time? A: Honestly? Sometimes they’re the same thing. For me, the difference was that my “tough time” made me question everything I thought I knew about myself and the world. If you’re suddenly seeing patterns everywhere, feeling drawn to spiritual content, or sensing there’s more to life than what you’ve been told, you might be in the early stages.
Q: Is it normal to feel worse before feeling better during spiritual awakening? A: Absolutely. I call it “spiritual burnout” for a reason. When you start peeling back layers of conditioning and really looking at your patterns, it can feel overwhelming. The key is having support and not trying to fix everything at once.
Q: How do I avoid getting obsessed with spiritual signs like you did? A: Set boundaries with yourself. I learned to limit sign-seeking to once a week max, and I stopped assigning meaning to every random occurrence. Trust your intuition, but don’t let it replace critical thinking.
Q: What’s the difference between spiritual bypassing and genuine spiritual growth? A: Spiritual bypassing is using spiritual practices to avoid dealing with real issues (like I did with my self-worth problems). Genuine growth means facing those issues head-on, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Q: How long does a spiritual awakening journey take? A: It’s ongoing. I used to think there was a finish line where everything would make sense. Now I see it as continuous growth and self-discovery. The “messy middle” I mentioned? That’s actually most of the journey.
Are You Up For The Challenge of Your Own Messy Spiritual Journey?
If this post resonated with you, you’re probably ready to ditch the perfectionist approach to spirituality and embrace the real, messy work of personal transformation.
Ready to dive deeper into your own spiritual awakening journey? The messy, real, no-BS kind? Stick around and Subscribe for more honest conversations about personal transformation, self-worth, and what it actually means to live authentically.
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